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DrownDeep Hula

The message said DROWNDEEP HULA.

It's amazing what those words evoked. Images from time so long ago.

I forgot all about that song. The distinct bass line. The dreamy sound, as if he is submerged under water. And the lyrics? The lyrics are mysterious and delicious and requires the listener to make an emotional connection to the writer.

His music is so unique.

Lyrics so unique.

I have obsessed over Maxwell since he first landed on the Neo-Soul/R&B scene. And I added seeing him perform to my bucket list over twenty years ago. I am going to check this off my list soon, like within two weeks.

I can only focus on the goodness in my life since the horrible interruption on September 21st. By September 28th we were signing the divorce papers. The pain was intense for those first two weeks. At times it was hard to see even a few hours ahead of me. If someone would ask me what I was going to do for dinner, I just could not plan that far ahead. My heart was just so broken. This Maxwell concert is the right thing to have so that I can focus on something bigger than me and see past today's hurt.

**heavy sigh**

I am going to be okay. That's what I keep telling myself. I tell myself that my soon-to-be ex husband needs to be away from me to unravel his unhappiness and get back to being joyful. It hurts when someone tells you that they just don't love you anymore. I don't know anyone that can just shut off their feelings like that. Heck, my first husband said those same words to me when he divorced me. I can't say how that happens. I often think about what would have happened if I had let the first husband back into my world before I eloped with the second husband. Nobody knows.

What I do know is that when I love someone in that romantic way, I love hard. I love unconditionally. I give my everything. And I have loved only two men in this way and they both were my husbands. My friends tell me I'm lucky to have loved like that at all. Some people go through life never experiencing love like this. Do I thank my lucky stars? Sure. But break-ups are so hard. They are so taxing on me and yet I feel so alive.

The last year has been so rough within my failed marriage. Both he and I were ready for a change. I had two job offers over the summer. One I turned down because my husband said I should stay where I'm at even though I was unhappy there. My respect for him as the head of the household convinced me that I should listen. Now we've split and I hold a degree of resentment toward him for that. I guess we should always listen to our inner voice. He went through some rough patches also with his job that eventually led to him quitting even without having another job waiting. I supported him in that. I told him that no one should be that unhappy at a place that they have to spend eight hours a day at. So I told him to QUIT! And he did. He quit, he went home to see his little sister graduate from college, and life was still good.

**heavy sigh**

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