I have a dear friend that I cut ties with 13 months ago. I miss him immensely. Cutting off communication with him left a gaping hole in my life as I'm sure it did his as well. We would spend hours and hours on the phone talking about everything and nothing, talking about what we could have been if circumstances in our separate lives were different, talking about when we were young and spry, talking about sex and love and soul mates, marriage, companionship.
He crosses my mind often. Flashes of recent memories that we created will pop up in my head while I'm in the midst of doing something else. No doubt, our friendship/relationship will span several lifetimes and probably through eternity. We have always said that to each other - that we would find each other in every lifetime. This lifetime just wasn't the right one for us. Regardless of all of that, I miss him in the here and now.
Life circumstances bar us from continuing whatever it was we were doing.
What were we doing?
Missing each other?
I wonder sometimes why we spend so much of our lives searching to love and be loved from everyone except the one that could actually be "the one." I know that this search for "the one" has governed my entire adult life. I read a meme on Facebook that said,
You will stumble upon someone who will start a fire in you that cannot die.
However, the saddest, most awful truth you will ever come to find -
is they are not always with whom we spend our lives.
But nothing that is outside of your reach is worth trading in what you have right now. If you're bored in your relationship or just tired of the same ole grind, work through it. Overcome your feelings of disappointment and search for "the one" inside of you and then commit to making your relationship work. The old adage, "I can do bad all by myself," holds true but it can be such a lonely existence so don't give up on what you have in your life now.
HERE AND NOW
He said that he was coming for me in THIS lifetime and yet we are aging and I don't want to waste time waiting on things to be different or wishing for more ideal circumstances. So I have moved on. No waiting for the past to catch up with me. No waiting for future possibilities. I am living in the here and now. I have always imagined that I would grow old and die along side the love of my life. I never thought, for one minute, that I would be single at this age. Do I think of this friend that I thought was "the one"? Often! Do I wish things were different? Often! But I cannot let those feelings hold me back from being happy in the here and now. And even if the here and now gets a little lonely and I feel like I'm treading water all alone, I know that there is a purpose for this season in my life. I don't know what it is except that I have found so much strength in myself to be out here alone.
LOVE THE ONE YOU'RE WITH
So whatever the circumstances of your life. If you are in a relationship, be committed. Love the one you're with. Remember all the things that brought you together and nurture it. Don't look for escape. Instead, find your peace in what you have and let go of the idea of "the one."